


lights will guide you (now you’re home)

by lostinthesounds



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Bellarke, F/M, Fluff, a little somethin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-11
Updated: 2019-03-11
Packaged: 2019-11-12 13:59:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18012260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostinthesounds/pseuds/lostinthesounds
Summary: Clarke has a nightmare, and it’s hard to find comfort in Bellamy when the dreadful day of Praimfaya is all she can think about.(Set in a weird limbo of season six if most of the events in season five didn’t happen.)





	lights will guide you (now you’re home)

**Author's Note:**

> A few quick notes (bear with me?) 
> 
> 1\. Can we forget about the slap and super angst we got in 5x09...just for this fic cause I want some fluff and this is what I came up with. 
> 
>  
> 
> 2\. Bellarke are okay, they don’t fight nearly as much as they did in season five. (Once again, fluff people! I’m here to provide.) 
> 
> 3\. Bellamy is s i n g l e. (No comment.) 
> 
>  
> 
> 4\. Basically, they just miss eachother but don’t know how to communicate until this happens. Now enjoy!! thank you for reading

_“Oh my god,” Clarke gasps, oxygen finding its way into her lungs again. It burns, quite a lot actually, but she manages. She always does. “I did it.”_

 

 _She sits up, ignoring the burning she feels everywhere and she smiles wide because she’s thinking about...“Bellamy! I did it, I can’t beli—_ “ 

 

_She stops herself, because she must’ve forgotten. Her friends were gone. She had no idea if they made it alive, if the dish was working properly, if Bellamy made it—_

_“Oh my god,” She repeats for a second time, her eyes open in shock when she looks around the room. The gust of wind that followed her into the lab must’ve thrown stuff around, stacks of paper and memories of people she might never see again come rushing back to her. She was alone, and Clarke had no idea what to do now._

_She doesn’t bother to stand, she starts to think that the only reason why she’s so dizzy, is the radiation getting to her head or the realization of it all. It could be both? Clarke scoots herself closer to the wall and shuts her eyes, tears falling down her face freely, “I did it.”_

_For a second, she lets relief spread through her like the wildfire that’s happening outside the lab. She lets this spread until she forces it back, until the limit she’s pushing is close to breaking and she cries even more. She might’ve saved her friends, the man she loved had a greater chance at being alive, and for that she’s grateful._

_But how was she going to survive this?_

_Clarke doesn’t know how she’ll get through this, the whole ‘being alone for six years’ was daunting and it terrified her. She looks up at the ceiling, hoping somehow, anyway her thoughts could travel to Bellamy, and she—_

_“I’ll try my best,” She says softly, meaning every word. “For you._ ”

 

* * *

  _SIX YEARS LATER_

* * *

 

“Clarke,” A voice calls out, and then a hand was on her shoulder and she startled awake. “You were talking in your sleep.” 

 

“ _Huh_ , really?” She recognizes the voice belonging to Madi, and she lets her eyes adjust to the darkness. She grabs Madi’s hand to sooth her, squeezing softly to remind her that it was okay. (The nightmares were frequent again, she had no control over them. Apparently, her mind can’t adapt to change so fast as others.) “I’m sorry babe, I didn’t realize.” 

 

“It’s okay,” The younger one replied, as she turns around to walk to her own room which was next door — claiming teenagers need privacy, so Clarke compromised to build thin walls because there was no way she would leave the girl alone — “I just remember when you used to tell me to wake you up when this happened. Did they come back?” 

 

 _They_ , as in — “It’s nothing, it’s normal for me to get nightmares. Remember?” 

 

Clarke isn’t stupid, and neither is Madi but it was too nice to relish in the fact that they could play it off like her nightmares didn’t keep her up at night for years. Like they didn’t cause endless and sleepless nights of worrying and pain in memories, of the things she can’t and never will have. She sits up and wipes the wetness of her cheeks, her back hitting the bed frame and crosses her legs, gesturing to the now empty space in front of her. “Do you wanna sit?” 

 

She tried her best to ignore the previous words she had said, hoping Madi would do the same because she knows how these things work. She knows how her nightmares affect her, how _real_ they can be. 

 

“I’m tired,” Madi says, instead pulling Clarke into a tight hug and starting to walk out of her room. “I’m right next door, come to me if you need me. You _always_ have me, Clarke.” 

 

“Oh,” Clarke responds, frowning a bit before she realizes that she couldn’t hold Madi accountable anymore. Who was she as a mother to force her daughter to do things? She couldn’t. “Okay, that’s fine. I’ll see you in the morning.” 

 

She forced a smile, knowing there was no way she could go back to sleep with so much on her mind.

 

Madi agreed, and she leaves the room with Clarke wondering if she could go through this again?

 

She thought her nightmares would stop after Bellamy came back, but they only got stronger. It was her worst fear come to life, her mind playing tricks on reality and what she wished for in the past. 

 

A past that’s filled with one-sided conversations and emotions she won’t admit out loud until she’s ready. _How will she know if she’s ever ready_? 

 

* * *

 

 

It didn’t take someone long to find her. 

 

She had been sitting on a wooden log for a few minutes, feeling the heat of the fire on her face, and the overwhelming thoughts that consumed her head at such a late hour in the night. 

 

“Is this seat taken?” 

 

Clarke turns slowly, her heart skipping a beat when she realizes it’s Bellamy. He was dressed in his sleeping wear that he borrowed from Eliguis, the pair that he wore when going into cryo sleep and the bags under his eyes were almost as visible as her’s. His hair was messy, her personal favorite look on him, with curls falling onto his forehead. _If she looked hard enough, she could see the younger version of a man she once loved_. 

 

“No,” She croaks, not knowing what else to do but question him, “But there’s a lot of other seats around?” 

 

“Then I can’t talk to you,” He teases with a sleepy voice, his words drag out. “It defeats the purpose of me asking.” 

 

“It would be weird if you didn’t.” She tilts her head and smiled up at him, “It’s late and you’re still up?” 

 

“I’ve always been a morning person.” He looks at her, he _really_ looks at her, how her eyes light against the orange tone of the fire and how her shoulders slumped forward. He sits down next to her and says, “I could ask you the same thing.” 

 

She shrugs, looking forward into the fire and she says with a shy voice, “It’s nothing you have to worry about.” 

 

“All I do is worry about you,” He catches them both on surprise, but he shifts just a bit closer to Clarke. “Are you going to tell me what’s wrong?” 

 

“I’m just tired.” She says, forcing a smile on her face and he seems to notice it too. Suddenly, the heat from the fire was too much to handle because she can’t think about what he said, and how _true_ that is. “It’s hard for me to adapt to everything, with living on a new planet.”

 

”I get it,” He says, suspicions rising and then he can’t get enough of her. He searches her face wearily, “I’ve been so tired that it’s even harder for me to fall asleep. Everything is so new, it’s so different from Earth.” 

 

Clarke matches his gaze, the softness in his eyes made everything feel alright for now. If there was one person who got to her, it was him. It was Bellamy. The words get caught in her throat, and she hesitates to say anything. This wasn’t the same person she knew, the same person she watched fly into the sky, further and further away from her. He was different, older, wiser and more head driven than any other time she’d seen him. 

 

They hadnt been able to talk like this since — if she was honest — it felt like _forever_. 

 

“Was it easy?” She manages to say, her voice low even when nobody else was around other than the man sat beside her. He tilts his head, “Sleeping on the Ark again? Was it _easy_?” 

 

It’s something she’s always wondered. 

 

How was _peace_  truly like for Bellamy? 

 

(It was a burning question, only because she never got to experience it. She would always worry about his safety, or if he’d ever come back — it was so hard.) 

 

He rubs at his eyes, and Clarke wants to melt (he was _so_ adorable.) because of it. 

 

He must be tired, she thinks. 

 

“For the first few months, yeah.” He says and moves closer, his thigh touching Clarke’s. “But then the responsibility of keeping everyone else alive came rushing back to me, and that’s who I was for six years. I didn’t sleep much on the ground either, but it did come easier on the Ark so I’ll tell you that.” Bellamy smiled. 

 

He adds on, “How about you?” 

 

_Nightmares._

 

_A lot of them._

 

 _Pain, regret, longing, **wishing**_.

 

“Madi made it easier for me.” She decided to say, wringing her hands and the fear of looking Bellamy in the eyes returned. She technically wasn’t lying so she continued, “it was always hard for me to sleep on the ground too, I had to look out for so many people.” _I can’t even look out for myself_. “When things got tough during the six years, I had her.” _I had you_. 

 

“It was hard losing you.” Bellamy says suddenly, gentle eyes grab her attention from the floor to his gaze and he’s staring so intently. “I’m sorry you had to go through that alone, I—“ 

 

“Like I said earlier, it’s fine.” Clarke says and the temptation to lean her head against his shoulder is strong, it’s almost too strong but he’s right there; she can’t do that. “We’re both alive? And we’re back together again. You don’t have to apologize.” 

 

He nods, and she jumps in her seat slightly when his hand touches her knee and he squeezes. It was reassuring, but unexpected.

 

His brows furrowed, “Is everything okay?” 

 

 _Everything starts to come back to her_. 

 

 _She starts to remember why she’s even out there in the first place, why she can’t sleep, and why she jumped_... 

 

“Yeah, sorry.” She shakes her head and says for what felt like the millionth time, it was getting less and less convincing to the both of them that she was _really_  losing it — “I’m good.” 

 

 

Bellamy gets up from the bench slowly and his words drag out, “I’m gonna try and get some sleep, I’ll see you in the morning?”

 

(For a second, she wants to reach out and pull herself closer to his body to just _feel_ something. But she can’t do that. It was a craving she couldn’t fulfill.) 

 

There’s an ache in her chest, deep and familiar and it makes her look away from him — when all he wants to do is look at everything she was — and she stills. “I’ll see you tomorrow, have a good night.” 

 

The tension filled the space between them again, but it was awkward and hard to ignore. Bellamy starts to walk away and Clarke feels a twist in her chest, her heart beating rapidly, and she forces herself to look down. Her knees come up and she wraps her arms around them to keep herself balanced, and sets her head on top. She wished for so many things in the past, not a single star or kind soul in the universe bothered to listen to her and she feels so detached from her people, her everything. It wasn’t her fault. 

 

She was alone again, and since nobody was listening — “Why does it still hurt to watch you leave?” She mumbled, her words directed at Bellamy. (not caring to hear for any subtle footsteps that came near, that came _back_.) “I can’t keep doing this to myself, I know you’re coming back.” She continued, “ _You have to come back, right_?” It was more of a question for herself, she doubts everything nowadays. 

 

She sighs shakily, holding herself tighter to try and feel anything else but the hollowness that returned. Anything to make herself feel better, to shake away the pain that she remembered so clearly like it was yesterday, that pierced her soul for eternity. It was pathetic, she couldn’t even watch him leave a room because she thinks he won’t return. 

 

Through gritted teeth, her eyes stay trained on the flames in the fire. She’s talking to herself, _him_ ,  “I hate having nightmares, I _hate_ not knowing how to control them.” In defeat, she lets her head fall into her knees and she hopes nobody bothered to wake up to see her like this. It was the ghosts of her past, and she can’t do anything about it. She might as well just stay out here until the sun rises and everyone starts to wake. It seemed like the only option. 

 

(Her ears must be numb to sound, not being able to hear herself cry and not being able to hear Bellamy’s _approach_.) 

 

“Hey Clarke,” Bellamy soothes, his voice leaves her startled and she jumps up. She loses her balance as her knees uncurl and Bellamy is right there to lead her upright, “What’s wrong?” 

 

He kneels in front of her, (a sight she never expected to see) and takes her hand. She won’t complain, but she wipes at her face. She was crying? 

 

“ _Bellamy_?,” She rasps, she was so confused. “I thought you—“ 

 

He cuts her off, “I was, but I didn’t want to leave you just yet. I didn’t know what else to say since you seemed so closed off to me, and then I heard you.” He interlocks their fingers, squeezing her hand in comfort to get her attention when she would shy away. He repeats himself, (and tries his best not to get lost in her wild eyes, which were big and blue and soft) “What’s this about you getting nightmares?” 

 

She doesn’t have the heart to pull away from him yet, afraid to think that this was all just a dream and she wouldn’t wake up to Bellamy’s concerned face. 

 

“I get them a lot,” She admits after a period of silence between them, and blinks at him a few times to make sure that he’s there. “I got them when we first got to the ground, but it’s actually insane how being alone on a planet can alter my mind.” His brows furrowed, and he squeezes her hand at the slight humor she tries to express. “It messed me up.”

 

”Did they start after Praimfaya,” He coughs to clear his throat, like he didn’t want to show his emotions. Clarke looks down at his face, and his eyes are watering. “After I left, and you were with Madi?” 

 

She hates to do it, to tell him the truth but she nods in response. Bellamy sighs shakily, and he averts her gaze to wipe at his face. 

 

“I’m sorry,” She blurts, “I don’t want to make you upset with what happened. It’s the truth, and there’s nothing we could do to change it.” 

 

He won’t look at her, and her heart races with — “ _Please_ , don’t be upset.” She begs, not allowing herself to finish her thought. 

 

“How can I be upset?,” He asks, his voice low and the emotions seeping through cracks and awe. “I just feel terrible that I wasn’t here for you, to help you through this.” Clarke doesn’t know what to say with words caught in her throat, her head spinning with endless thoughts about one man who she loves (she had to clarify that it was _not_ loved, there is no past tense feeling about anything she feels about Bellamy.) and when they lock eyes it’s just more of a confirmation. 

 

They were in this position before, a memory that’s painful to look back on for the both of them. She was left locked to a post, by his hand, and they were so angry and heartbroken back then. Clarke knew he loved her, and she loved him, it only made it harder to make the right decision because they weren’t on the same page. 

 

It was different now. 

 

 _It had to be_. 

 

One long look at a man who has dried tears down his face, and she realizes that it _was_ different now.  

 

Forget everything, anything she was ever taught in this life, and she only sees a man who loves with every ounce of his soul. Who is willing to bear his thoughts and emotion into a girl who he relies on, who he cares for, and she’s there for him. 

 

Clarke could only see her love for him in that moment, and she breaks. 

 

“I had you,” She admits, her vision blurry with tears of her own. She lets him caress the back of her hand, soothing both of their troubles. “I had you in those radio calls, and I just wanted you to be okay and safe.” She continued softly, more gentle than she’s ever been. “That’s all I wanted for you, even if I couldn’t have you to help me sleep at night.” 

 

Suddenly, Bellamy takes ahold of her hand that’s in his grasp and sets it against his face. He takes it as a good sign when she lets him do so, and he just breathes her in. His eyes are closed and she’s pretty sure that she’s shaking, but he doesn’t say anything. “I’m so sorry for everything, I know I don’t need to apologize for anything we’ve gone through but I just want you to know that losing you,” He pauses because he can’t stop thinking about that tragic day. _He lost her for six years_. “ _God,_  because losing you was the worst experience of my life. I never want to do that again.” 

 

 

She finally used the courage that settled deep in her stomach, and she forces the words out, she leans closer to him. She pretends like it’s just them, like she was alone on a planet but this time, she had Bellamy by her side. Her hand is cupping his face still, “The nightmares are usually about you.” 

 

“They—“ His eyes open wide in shock as his body visibly tenses, “ _What_?” 

 

“The reason why I couldn’t sleep tonight Bellamy...it was because of you.” She says softly, keeping their eyes locked so that she wouldn’t stop talking. It was to keep her grounded, keep her feet on the floor. “I’ve always dreamt about Praimfaya and if things could’ve been different, if I didn’t lose you then.” She continued, feeling lighter and a lesser burden on her shoulders. “Madi woke me up because I was having a nightmare about you never coming back, about how it felt to realize I was alone and wouldn’t have you with me.” 

 

She whispers, “It felt like a gut wrenching pain straight into my heart.” just as their foreheads touch and she could feel her breath reflect back to her from his face, “Like you said in the lab, _yes I still remember_ , my heart was made up of you Bellamy, and it felt like you took a piece of me when I watched you leave Earth.” 

 

Her chest is caving, her breathing hard because she had everything on the table. 

 

She confessed, and she feels great like nothing could stop her. 

 

Bellamy is left speechless, his hand reaches to swiftly place a few strands of her blonde hair behind her ear and he stares at her like never before. He takes a deep breath, adjusting on his knee and reclaims the hand he placed on his cheek and squeezes again. “Do you think you could sleep tonight?” 

 

Her brows furrowed, pulling away slightly as she responds. _That’s all he had to say_? “If I try hard enough, I think so.”

 

”That’s not a good enough answer for me Clarke,” He says softly, and he smiles so big that his dimple shows. “It’s a yes or no.” 

 

“Where are you going with this?” She asks, a hand resting on his shoulder because now she can’t get enough of him. 

 

Their foreheads touch again, a gravitational pull towards eachother that they don’t bother to fight. His hand curls around her neck to keep her close, and he sighs — “Sleep with me tonight.” 

 

Everything in the world just comes to a complete stop, and she can’t fight the blush on her cheeks. She could feel the warmth spread all over, she manages to question with a rasp in her voice. “ _Are you feeling okay_?” 

 

“Not like _that_ ,”  He assured, “Just sleep in my bed, and I’ll hold you for the night so you’ll actually get rest tonight.” 

 

(She feels like she can’t breathe at this point.) 

 

“Bellamy,” She sighs, “You don’t need to do that.” 

 

“I think I do,” He sounds like he’s begging for her company, “I _want_ to be next to you, to be with you, I don’t want you to feel like you lost me when I’m right here.” (He can’t help himself, he just has to tease her.) “Plus, I don’t want you to be sleep deprived, and that should be a good enough reason to say yes.” 

 

“Very funny,” She notes with sarcasm as she fakes a laugh. Bellamy wanted her to sleep in his bed, and she wants to say yes, _of course she does_ , but she doesn’t want to push him either. “Are you sure I won’t be bothering you?” She decides to say in response, shyly trying to pull away. 

 

He shakes his head, and she’s sure that if she places a hand on his heart, it would be beating rapidly. “I swear you won’t be anything of a bother to me, I—“ Bellamy makes sure that she’s looking at his gaze which is soft, and truthful. “I want you to come back to my room with me.” 

 

She doesn’t fight it anymore, she doesn’t hold back from her desires or need to be around him — she can’t see the harm in doing what she wants anymore — so she nods her head. “Okay,” She swallows thickly and adds on, “I’ll agree on one condition.”

 

”Name it,” He says instantly, a sudden seriousness to his voice. She wonders how long he’s been thinking of asking her this, and it was the perfect time. She needs him to be around, to show her how much he cares. “Anything.” 

 

“I’ll go if you let me wrap my arms around you and let me fall asleep next to you.” 

 

He laughs, “You want to cuddle with me?” He grunts when he stands up, shaking any dirt from his knees but his face lights up when he finds her eyes locked on everything he was doing. He smirks, “Really now? I thought I was going to need to give you an organ or something.” 

 

He holds out his hand, and she grabs it fast. She won’t look at him because now she’s embarrassed, _great_. She thought it was cute, “I could ask you for that instead, if you feel like it was a low price for my agreement.” 

 

He pulls her to his chest in one pull of her arm, “I would gladly decline.” 

 

“You’re so lucky that I missed you.” 

 

He knows she’s joking, but it stung to hear. “I’m doing this to help you,” She doesn’t buy the excuse, neither does he quite frankly. “I want you to know that I’m with you.” 

 

 _I’m always with you_. 

 

“Yeah I know,” Clarke says in a low voice because she’s having trouble believing her ears, so she wraps both arms around his waist tightly and nuzzles her head into his chest. “Don’t let go of me.” She warns. 

 

“Never again,” He says, and she believed it. How could she not? “I’m not doing that ever again, I promise.” 

 

They were such strong words, a promise to stay by eachother’s side through thick and thin. Clarke’s hand clenches the material of his shirt, pulling herself impossibly closer to someone she’s dreamt about loving yet lost too many times to count. She’s so tired of losing people she loved, _it’s time she takes back what she wants_. 

 

When she holds him close, it feels too easy. Life doesn’t seem so bad, and it’s all because of Bellamy. 

 

* * *

 

 

“Why is your bed so much more comfortable than mine?” Clarke asks as she wraps an arm around Bellamy’s chest and lays down, “It’s unfair.”

 

Bellamy just has to laugh, and he watches as her head nuzzles against his pillow and he feels like he’s twenty three all over again. He’s captivated by her beauty, how her blonde hair falls onto her face or how her lips curl into the smallest smile when she’s happy but doesn’t want to show it. So much has changed, but he thinks, he knows that his relationship with Clarke could only go up from here. As long as he’s by her side, he’s willing to conquer the world if he has to, (for the second time.) 

 

“Are you sure that it’s not just me who you think is comfortable?” He empathized, feeling her adjust and lay her head in the hollow of his neck. His breathing hitched for a second, and he doesn’t say anything else. 

 

“Maybe,” She questions lightly, and she’s never more content in that moment. “I think you’re right, you’re a great pillow.” 

 

He lets himself pull her close, an arm wrapping around her torso as their legs intertwine. (He wants her close, in everyway but one.. _of course_ ) 

 

“Bellamy?,” She whispers, and she looks up at him. _She even looks and feels younger like this_. Her eyes are feeling heavy, sleep is so close to taking over her body and she curls into the way his body reacts to her, “Thank you for everything you’ve done for me.” 

 

“What are you thanking me for?” He assures, and he lets his fingers tangle in the ends of her hair. He’s always wanted to do that, “It was you and me against the world, it still is.” 

 

She gets comfortable again, and Bellamy pulls the blanket further to cover the top half of her body. 

 

“The world won the fight last time.” 

 

“We have a second chance,” He argues. 

 

“Aren’t we lucky?” She smiles against his skin, and he feels like he’s on fire. “I’ve wanted this for so long.” 

 

“I’m here, not in space—“ Bellamy closes his eyes, he could feel the cold air seep through his bones like he’s back on the Ark if he tried hard enough. He doesn’t want to try, he just wants to remember this moment forever. “Or in that head of yours, I’m right here keeping you close to me.” He finishes, and their eyes lock again for the final time for the night. He could feel her body go limp against him because she hasn’t moved, her breathing steady. He admits softly, “Which is what I’ve always wanted.” 

 

Clarke’s eyes close first, but he holds his breath — Her grip around his chest gets tighter, _she heard him._

 

For the first time in a new planet, in a new environment, he’s holding someone familiar and he goes to sleep with a smile on his face. (Little did he know, she would be spending the rest of her days and nights in his arms, and it made a swell of hope in his chest flutter with the possibilities of how they can get there.) 


End file.
